I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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