good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
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Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
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It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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