I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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