I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
