Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
