dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
