I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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