I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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