How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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