My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
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