so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
