guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
