In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
