u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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