Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
