I never want to see another naked old woman again.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
so let's talk penis.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
