the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
