She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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