Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
