She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
