Her vagina should come with caution tape.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
