Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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