What did we do last night that was yellow?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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