i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
