YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
