Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
