I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
