Dual....:-)
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
