Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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