i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
