We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
