I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
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I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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