I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
