didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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