we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
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