Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
