just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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