wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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