ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
