what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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