Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
