need another drink. this is the easiest way
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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