make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
