some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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