He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
