420 ftw
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
so much tequila, so little girl.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
