Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
