she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
