the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
