i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
