I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
This gyro tastes like lonliness
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
