Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
