I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize