he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
