u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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