yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
