so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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