i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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