The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
