Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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