when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
