some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
