my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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