i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
