Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
