Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
