You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
