Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize