just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
