rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
