I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
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Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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