He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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