Duck Duck Cougar?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I just found puke in my bra..
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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