dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
