Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
