I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
if only i could text you this smell
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
