So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
40s are totally the cure
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
